Out of the Dark
by Cassandra Mulder
Summary: When Chloe's at her lowest, she discovers there is one thing she can actually count on.


**Title: **Out of the Dark  
**Author: **Cassandra Mulder  
**Feedback: **I _love_ the feedback!  
**Rating: **PG  
**Classification: **Smallville; Chloe angst; Chlark romance  
**Spoilers: **Most of season 4, particularly "Scare".  
**Disclaimer: **_Smallville_ and all related characters belong to AlMiles, Tollin/Robbins, DC Comics, and the WB. I'm just having some actual fun with them. Don't sue.  
**Written: **December 2 - 12, 2004  
**Summary: **When Chloe's at her lowest, she discovers there is one thing she can actually count on.  
**For: **Tracy for Christmas, straight from her wishlist.  
**A/N:** This one started... and then absolutely took off with me. lol It wasn't exactly what I had planned, which is okay, because I didn't exactly have anything planned. I tried not to make it too schmoopy or OOC, so I hope I succeeded. It's unbeta'd, so all mistakes are mine and mine alone. I hope you like it, Tracy! :) Merry Christmas!

* * *

If there was one thing that Chloe knew, it was that nothing in her life was ever going to be perfect. Or anywhere close to it. 

Since the revelation about her mother had come, she'd been experiencing panic attacks. She worried that this was only the beginning, though her rational side told her it was unrelated. Still, a part of her was terrified of what could happen; of what would most likely happen as far as she'd been told.

Lately she wondered what the point was anymore. If she was destined to end up blankly staring at the wall, tied up in a straightjacket, what would happen to all her hopes and dreams?

How was she supposed to go through the motions of her life knowing that it was all for nothing? Knowing that it wasn't death at a ripe old age that would get her, but an insanity that no one could control that would most likely take her over before she was forty.

And there was _nothing_ she could do about it.

Chloe prided herself on her smarts, and her ability to turn a phrase and weave a story. Without that, she felt like she would literally be nothing.

She put her head down on the desk, sobbing into her arms, something she rarely allowed herself to do.

That's how Clark found her when he walked into the Torch after hours. He stood there a full two minutes, not knowing what to do, until she realized he was there.

"God, Clark, how long have you been standing there?" she said, frantically wiping the tears from her face.

"Just, uh, a minute," he said, warily stepping further into the office.

"Well, what are you doing here?" she asked, straightening a stack of papers beside her computer. Clark didn't know if she was trying to distract herself or him.

"I couldn't remember if I brought my copy by earlier."

Chloe flashed a sheaf of papers at him.

"Oh, okay..." He shifted uncomfortably. "Chloe, are you okay?" He knew she wasn't, but accusations weren't any way to start this conversation.

"Of course. I'm fine. Just fine," she said, slamming the papers back on the desk.

"You sound fine," Clark said, raising an eyebrow. "Look, why don't you come hang out at my place? Get out of the office, get your mind off things..."

She swiveled around in her computer chair. "Get my mind off losing my mind, Clark? That sounds just swell," she said, not quite angry, but definitely annoyed.

It was becoming clear to Clark that she'd gotten over the shock of just where her mother was, and the anger phase was setting in. Not at her mother, but what had happened to her.

He kneeled in front of her chair, his hands on her arms, willing her to look at him. When she finally did, he said, "I mean it. Come over. I don't think it's a good idea for you to be alone right now. And I want to be there for you, Chloe. I haven't been a good friend for awhile, and I want to make it up to you."

She gave him a skeptical look.

"Not because of what's happening now. I've been thinking about this for awhile..."

"All right," she said. She didn't have to believe him, she just wanted to be somewhere else. Anywhere else, it didn't matter.

She let him drive her to his house in his pickup truck, and they stopped in at the house where Martha fed them cookies till they couldn't eat anymore. They caught up from the time since Chloe had disappeared, though they didn't talk so much about the summer as how senior year was going, and what schools she'd applied to.

She knew at one point Martha was going to ask about boys, but she gave Clark a funny look, followed by Chloe doing the same, and then she let it drop. It would've almost been amusing how much everyone else respected her feelings toward Clark if it didn't still hurt so much. But she couldn't think about that either. She was just supposed to be hanging out, getting her mind off... stuff.

For a little while it almost felt like they were kids again. Before the excess weirdness, the excess angst. Chloe used to hang around this house all the time, because even though she loved her dad dearly, _this_ was a family. This place felt like a home she'd only imagined. Martha had always been kind to her, and secretly she'd always been jealous of Clark for having the mom she'd always wanted.

Even though she knew her mother's possible reasons for leaving now, she still wished sometimes that everything had been different. Being in this warm atmosphere, talking and laughing with Clark and his mom, eating _anything_ homemade (she had a tendency to burn anything she attempted to cook) just made her wish that even more. Even though she was officially an adult now, she hated that she wouldn't have the kind of memories from growing up that a lot of people had.

_Or maybe you're just being incredibly idealistic, idiot_, she thought to herself.

Chloe did her best to shake off the black mood she was in, and just enjoy her time here. Soon they'd all be off to college, and it was unlikely there'd be many more moments like this.

After awhile, Martha decided to go see what Jonathan was up to, but not before she cleared the plates, hugged Chloe, and told her not to be a stranger. Chloe hugged her back and promised not to be.

They headed toward the barn, probably so they could sit up in the loft and have an awkward conversation, Chloe thought.

It started out that way, with Clark on one end of the couch while she sat on the other. He looked at her worriedly for a minute, and then just came out and said it.

"Have you found out where she is yet?"

"Yeah," she said, without hesitation. "She's in a place in Edge City. I knew that already, but I just got the name of it a few days ago." Tears were welling up in her eyes again, and she cursed her apparent inability to stay strong in front of Clark lately. "I, uh... Damn, I can't believe I forgot it... Anyway, it's supposed to be better than Belle Reeve. Like I believe that."

Clark moved a little closer and put his hand over hers where it rested on her knee.

"I don't think I can go see her, Clark. I don't know how." Tears were falling down her cheeks now, and she knew it was pointless to stop them. "She won't know who I am. I'm not sure she'd know who I was if she was fine. It's been over twelve years."

"You don't have to do it right now, Chloe. Not if you don't want to."

"I barely remember her, I've just always wanted..." she sobbed, "to see her..." she broke off on another sob and covered her mouth with her free hand. She closed her eyes against the torrent of tears behind them, but they relentlessly slipped beneath her eyelids and poured down her face.

Clark couldn't bear to see her in this kind of pain, so he did the only thing he knew to do and gathered her in his arms. She came willingly, seeking solace in his warmth and strength. Her tears soaked his shirt, but neither of them cared.

She knew she was opening up a devastatingly raw part of herself to him, but it was already too late. The dam had broken, and if someone didn't offer to help her bear this burden, she was afraid the weight of it might crush her.

"It's all right, Chloe," Clark said quietly. "I'm here. I'm always gonna be here."

She appreciated his tenderness and his concern, but she knew it still freaked him out when girls cried. In fact, she wasn't sure that was something any guy ever got over.

After a few minutes with her face buried in Clark's chest, she desperately tried to pull herself together, and finally managed to stop crying. She couldn't remember crying so much in her entire life.

Chloe pulled away a little and attempted to dry her face, but it seemed to be a losing battle. She was surprised when Clark raised up and over her slightly, until he sat back down with a handful of Kleenex from the end table.

"Thanks," she said with a sniffle, and started doing her best to repair the damage. "God, I must look like crap."

Clark shook his head.

"I know I feel like crap." She finished wiping the tears away and cocked her head at Clark. "I'm sorry. I feel so stupid for doing that."

"It's not stupid, Chloe."

"I'm just an emotional basketcase lately. I don't know what's wrong with me."

"Your mother left and now you know why. That's enough for anybody," he said, his hand moving from the back of the couch to smooth her hair.

"Thank you, Clark. You know, for... this. I hate being a pain, but it feels so much better to be able to talk to someone about this. Well, you already know that..."

"You're not a pain," he said with a small smile. "You shouldn't have to go through this alone, and I won't let you."

Impulsively, she closed the distance to kiss his cheek. When she pulled back slightly, she found his arms around her, holding her in place.

Their lips were mere centimeters apart, and Chloe sucked her bottom lip between her teeth, steeling herself. There was something she had to say, and it was now or never.

"Clark, don't do this because you feel sorry for me," she said, closing her eyes.

Clark ran his thumb along her jaw, causing her eyes to flutter open again. "I'm not," he said, looking right into her eyes.

And in that moment, she believed him more than she ever had. Not because she wanted to, but because she knew it was the truth.

He claimed her lips, and her arms went around his neck. The kiss started out slow and sweet, as Chloe shifted closer to him on the couch. He wasn't entirely surprised that she tasted like mocha lattés and his mother's cookies, but the strawberry lipgloss was new.

After a few lingering moments, they broke apart and Chloe just stared at him in wonder. This was not the Clark she knew - he was better. A slight smile crossed her lips, but before Clark could get out the question that was forming on his, she pulled him forward by his shirt front and kissed him again.

She came up for air laughing, and Clark just stared at her, puzzled.

"I get it now," she said, calming a bit.

"What?"

"This is all a dream. I'm going to wake up at the Torch facedown on my desk, with a sore neck and a whole lot of disappointment."

"'Fraid not," Clark said, catching her amusement.

"Hmmm," she sighed and settled further into the couch, her head resting against the back, facing him. "Thanks for making me come here, Clark. It's been a good night, considering."

"No one _makes_ Chloe Sullivan do anything," he teased. "But I'd have to agree it's been a good night. Considering."

"Oh?"

"Definitely," he said, leaning forward and kissing her quickly.

Chloe wanted this so much, and she wanted to trust him this time. But everything that had come before this moment swam through her mind, and she just wasn't sure.

"You can't break my heart again, Kent. There's barely anything left _to_ break."

A look of regret passed over his face, followed by determination. "I'm not, Chloe. I know you have no reason to trust me, but I'll prove it to you."

"You bet you will," she said, not completely joking. "I'd ask why the huge change, but you know, this has been such a... freeing evening, why jinx it?"

"I'm just trying to get my priorities straight, and I... I realized how important you are to me."

"This better be the truth, Clark. I can't do this yo-yo act with you anymore, you've gotta see that. I can't feel as alone as I have the last six months. Being dead, finding my mom... This is probably why I can barely keep a rein on my emotions right now, and I can't stand that."

"I know," he said, taking her hand and absentmindedly playing with it. "I'm yours, Chloe. I don't know why it took me so long to figure it out, but I'm sorry I hurt you in the process. I never meant to, it just kept happening,and I've hated myself for it."

"I love you, Clark. I might be inclined to forgive you." She'd been quite obvious all along, so she didn't see any reason to try to hide it anymore. Maybe he'd see exactly what was at stake with her admission. She was already convinced she couldn't be hurt anymore than she had been for the last four years pining for him. As pathetic as it sounded, even in her own mind, it was all true.

He studied her face with those green eyes for the longest time, and she didn't mind at all. This day had turned around for the better, and she could only pray it was going to stay that way.

Clark gathered her up till she was sitting on his lap, and she put her arms around his neck as one of her trademark thousand watt smiles lit up her face.

He pushed a lock of hair behind her ear, and as she looked at him she saw the man she knew he could be instead of the somewhat awkward boy she'd grown up with.

"I'm gonna be with you through whatever happens, Chloe. If you want to see your mom, I'll go with you. But you won't be alone, because I love you, and I'm going to be there."

Chloe was suitably floored, but she kissed him softly and laid her head on his shoulder, feeling safer than she had in a long time. Maybe everything would be all right. Maybe _she_ was going to be all right.

"My own personal superhero," she murmured as he leaned down to kiss her again.

Finis


End file.
